Writing The Words Within Me

There are moments that sitting in front of a blank piece of paper is exciting; with the ideas and inspiration bubbling over and about to burst out through the ink of your very own pen. But then there are times that looking at that same blank piece of paper can strike fear deep into your bones; you feel your well is dry, and no magical force seems to be present to fill it up.

I can sit there for hours, trying to force something out of myself, but usually even if I manage to, the result is rather lackluster. However, as I sit there, I can feel the need to get something out- the urge to break open the floodgates can be overwhelmingly strong. I can end up feeling like a disappointment, like I have failed my purpose by simply not being able to get my words out. It can make me feel momentarily worthless. But my mind- and my heart, need time to stew over the emotions and feelings; they have to prepare. 

I appreciate that everyone is different, and sometimes miracles happen and I can write something prolific the moment something happens. But at least for me, nine times out of ten I need to let my emotions settle in first. As Don Henley said, “Sometimes songwriters and singers forget that. They get a melody in their head and the notes will take precedence, so that they wind up forcing a word onto a melody. It doesn't ring true.” I can force a song about something, but usually I find that when I listen back to it, I realize it just isn’t good. However, I do believe you have to write those bad songs so you can get to the good ones. You have to get that out of your system. And sometimes that even helps you finally open back up and release the words you really wanted to say. The words that you really think will make others relate.

Our words and our actions are all we have. But sometimes we forget how much it can affect those around us. When it comes to words, I do everything I can to find the right ways to say things. I am admittedly not perfect at that, we all error on occasion- or over look the possible hidden meaning of something. But I am a songwriter, and I try my best to be honest and upfront because I know the best way to connect with people is by being completely open with them; there is always someone who can relate to how you are feeling.

Sometimes the words I use in my songs can be brutally honest- there are a couple of guys from a few years ago that can attest to that! But if that is how I felt, that is how I felt. You can’t change feelings- even if they are unreasonable or unrealistic. A feeling is a feeling if you felt it. But as raw as I can be when it comes to writing about situations with other people, I am just as raw- or maybe even more so, when it comes to writing about myself. I admit things that most would never admit about themselves. It can be extremely scary, and make you feel extremely vulnerable.

"Those in power write the history, while those who suffer write the songs." - Frank Harte

But that is what makes writing so therapeutic. You get to admit all the things you have been secretly holding inside.

Sometimes I feel uninspired, un-encouraged, undesired, and unloved. But don’t we all feel that way sometimes? So why don’t we just admit it? Why don’t we just admit we are human and feel the pressures of defeat sometimes? I believe the answer is pride. In the right place, pride can be a powerful and wonderful thing. But pride often makes us hide the sad truths about ourselves, truths that would comfort those around us to know. And in a lot of cases, not only comfort someone, but also truly help them. We all like to be comforted by the fact that we are not alone while dealing with the issues and problems of this earth.

I am human. I can feel broken. I do need help. I make mistakes. I will make more. It is that simple. Life is that simple- for everyone. No one is perfect or exempt.

That is why when I song write, I try to take pride out of the picture. I try to be as open as possible. In such cases, that kind of pride will only hinder you from creating something honest. I can sit there and write a song about how wonderful everything always is- trying to convince you, and me at the same time. Or I can just be honest, and say look, I am having a rough day- everything went wrong, and I am an idiot. That is a true feeling. Bono has said it very clearly, "You can have 1000 ideas, but unless you capture an emotion, it's an essay."

And some people take songs and words too literally. I have had people listen to a song I wrote and call me saying, “This worries me, do you actually feel this way? You shouldn’t feel this way.” Etc… But that song was written about one moment in time. One passing feeling. Our feelings are constantly changing. If I have a powerful passing feeling, I want to write about it. An example is- I felt like an idiot… Maybe I said the wrong thing in front of the wrong group of people. No, I don’t think I am an actual idiot. But yes, at the moment, I surely felt like one!

Something to remember is that lyrics- and all writing in general, are often not 100% true. Sometimes a writer is going to add something or explain something in a way that isn’t exactly what happened, but they know it will make the piece better and more relatable. And sometimes there is no true story it is based on at all. Sometimes I make songs up purely from my imagination, or from what I dream to be a reality. Now I do have some songs that are 100% about one specific situation. But most are probably 80% exactly what happened and 20% embellishment- or 90/10 depending.

A good example is a song I wrote a couple years ago called “Adams Avenue”. I wrote it about living with my best friend Justin in an apartment on Adams Avenue in Costa Mesa, California. I have had people tell me that they relate so much to that song, the lyrics and everything, it all happened to them too. A lot of people relate it to a romantic relationship they had that didn’t work out, (due to the fact that the song is basically about not being able to go on with that situation any longer). But Justin is one of my best friends; we have never had a romantic connection. However, in the song, I made sure to stay away from making it sound like he was just a friend, or making it sound like it was a significant other. That way people can take from the song what they interpret and can relate to their own life. Also, I’d like to make a note that this is also a good example of passing emotions. Justin and I are still great friends. But I took a strong emotion that I felt for a moment during that situation, I delved deeper into it and exposed that.

I want to find words to paint a picture. But sometimes the picture I create in my own mind isn’t the same as the picture that others create from seeing the same words. And that is okay, that is good. That is what song writing is about. Getting people to be able to relate a song to their own life. So they can take it and make it feel like their own, like someone wrote it just for them. A great insight by Jimmy Buffett is that, "Songwriters write songs, but they really belong to the listener.” Usually the songs I write that are 100% based on a certain situation- every word means something to me and reminds me of a specific moment; those are the songs of mine that other people don’t really like, because they can’t relate.

Artistic license is a powerful tool when used properly, but also a hurtful one when not. Be careful. Choose words wisely. But never censor yourself and your emotions. Don’t be so worried that you might offend someone, that you don’t speak up and help someone. Get out there and speak your truth. Tell people your story. As scary as it can be, I will tell you that it can be liberating and soothing to your soul.

And that is why I am a songwriter.

The Tale of No Cell Phones, Gun Stores, "Smokes", and The Middle of Nowhere...

March 9, 2011

My alarm rudely went off at 7:15am in Branson, after I had only gotten about two hours of sleep. But I jumped out of bed anyways. I was dressed, finished packing, and ready to go with time to spare! I went to pick up my dad at his house at 8am. Then we were on the road to Springfield Airport, arriving there by 9am. We parked my car out in the long-term parking, and walked all the way to the terminal- it was very cold and windy that morning, but we made it.

In the airport.

We walked over to the United desk to check in. As we walked up, the lady greeted us to help with our flights- she informed us that our flight to Chicago was going to be delayed about two hours due to weather in Chicago, and she wanted to see if she could maybe rebook our flights. This was an ugly start to the trip. (The fact that getting to this gig was becoming an issue was an extra kick in the butt for me because I had really wanted to be home for something that week.) The lady eventually recommended that we still go through security and wait on the flight- even though if it took off late like they were planning, we would miss our connection, and have to wait nine hours for the next (and only other flight) from Chicago to Duluth, Minnesota.

Dad and I sadly walked through security and debated all our options. We got to the gate and waited for our plane to arrive.  It got there around 10am, and we watched them all deplane. There was not much hope for the situation; the plane was now listed as delayed. I went to the desk a few minutes later to inquire about what we should expect. But right as I got there the lady announced that the flight would actually be taking off on time at 10:30am. Everyone hanging out by the gate was shocked, and they rushed to get us all on the plane. I had touched base with Larry because we were meeting him in Chicago, and the same exact thing happened to him. They said it would be a two hour delay, and then it changed to being on time. Apparently the weather in Chicago had cleared up a bit.

We got on the plane and were ready to take off on time. And as a bonus, the plane was only half full, so I got one of the small two seat rows to myself! After I got reprimanded by the flight attendant for sending a quick text message back to a friend, I shut off my phone; and soon I was at least trying to take a nap. It was a rather short flight, only an hour and a half or so. I attempted to sleep the whole time, but I was not too successful. It can be really uncomfortable to sleep in those seats sometimes, and I kept waking up in a lot of pain every few minutes.

But we landed and we were at our gate just about on time. And soon we were off the plane and walking to our next gate- and very relieved to find that our next flight was still listed as on time. We saw a sports bar/café to grab a bite at, so we got seated there. We waited about twenty minutes, and no one came to our table- not even to get a drink order. So we got up from the table and walked to get a quick muffin at a kiosk, because it was only about twenty minutes until our flight should be boarding.

Our plane to Duluth.

We ate our snack, and by the time we were done, it was time to get on the plane. Larry had just made it to the gate, and we joined forces with him and got on the small plane. We had to walk on the tarmac to the stairs of the plane, as we were walking toward it, Larry said, “This looks like something out of ‘Major League’!” He was right.

We all got into our seats, which were all right around each other, and we realized that Bill- our sound man, was supposed to be on this flight to Duluth as well. Everyone else seemed to be on the plane, and they were starting to do some announcements. It was getting close! But at the last minute we saw Bill being specially escorted out to the plane by one of the ground crew. We were all relieved to see him on his way!

Not too much later, the plane was in the air- after waiting in a long line to take off! But we were just about on time. It was only about an hour flight, I had again tried to take a nap on the plane- I was a little more successful this time. I woke up to find us landing in Duluth, Minnesota. We all got off the plane and went to baggage claim- which was only a few steps away, it was a pretty small airport! We waited for our bags; and while we waited, we tracked down our driver. As we were standing there, a lady who worked for the airport came over and wanted a picture with us. She knew we were a band, but I don’t think she had any idea who we were, she just knew we were a band and that was good enough!

Here comes the last bag!

Our bags eventually came flowing down to us. All except one- the one with the hard drive and some of the electronic stuff we need for our show. The carousel had stopped moving, and so it was not looking good. However, when we were just about to head over to the airline to make a claim, the carousel started up again. We waited to see if any other bags were on there way. Luckily, after a minute of suspense the missing bag started to come toward us! Such relief!

We got into the van, which was packed up with our luggage. It is truly amazing how many bags there are between us… Not just actual personal luggage like clothes and such, but instruments and equipment. Takes up a lot of space! But we all fit! Larry was extremely excited to be on his home turf- seeing as he is from Minnesota. It was beautiful there, and very white! Snow everywhere!

The Duluth Airport.

We had an hour and a half drive to get to the hotel/casino. The drive was very pretty, not a whole lot of civilization. Lots of land. But we got to Fortune Bay Resort Casino in Tower, Minnesota around 5pm. I went inside to start getting us checked in. They had our rooms pretty much ready to go. We all went straight up to the rooms to drop off our stuff, and then the four of us went down to the restaurant. It was a buffet/coffee shop.  We all opted for the buffet though.

We sat there for about an hour and a half and chatted about music. Then I ventured back up to my room and got comfortable. I found out that my cell phone had pretty much no reception. (A fact I found rather annoying because I was looking forward to hearing from someone in the next couple days, and we were going to be at this place until Saturday, and it was only Wednesday!) I tried to sort out ways of communication, even got a Skype phone number for people to be able to call me on. (Which only worked some of the time because the internet at the hotel was running so slow as well!) I was truly feeling like I was in a bit of a black hole of communication. My text messages were not all going through to people, and I was not receiving all of the messages to me either- or some of the messages I would get, but about four hours after the person sent them. I hate that! My mom couldn’t even reach me through the hotel sometimes… It was amazing- and not in a good way!

I hung around my hotel room all night and tried to get some work done. By midnight, I was exhausted, and I couldn’t resist passing out any longer!

March 10, 2011

I was trying to sleep as much as possible, but I woke up around 9am. However, I forced myself back to sleep. Next thing I remember, it was noon and my dad was calling my room. He asked me if I wanted to go grab a bite downstairs, and I agreed. I threw on some sweats and was on my way. The food was not sitting too great with me, but it was probably good to have something in my stomach.

In the hotel in Tower, MN.

We stopped by the ballroom- which is where we were working, just to check it out. The band was there setting up. We said our hellos, and then we were on our way back to our rooms. I got showered and ready, and ended up ready about twenty minutes early, so I figured I’d head down to sound check around 3pm instead of 3:30pm. Turns out it was a bad choice. They were actually running behind.

Sound check took a while that day because it was a smaller room (that’s why we were working two nights in a row there), and the ceiling was very strange so the sound kept bouncing around. It did not make things easy! At one point Bill- our sound guy, yelled out to Dad to turn on his microphone, Dad’s response was “What do you do to turn it on, just rub it?” Yep, these are the jokes I’m dealing with people!

But we were finished up by around 5pm. Larry, Gabe and I decided to grab a bite at the buffet/coffee shop. Waiting in line for a table was an interesting experience. Larry leaned over to me and said, “I feel like I’m in the movie ‘Fargo’…” He was right, it was a strangely weird situation in front of us. One guy even was telling some of the other people in line that he had run into Bill Medley earlier that day in the hotel. (I remembered that since I was with my dad at the time.) But we did get seated eventually. We all went with the buffet. Just needed a snack of something before the show.

Gabe's drawing.

Afterward, I went up to my room and got changed into my stage clothes. At 7:25pm I walked over to my dad’s hotel room to meet him and wait for the security escort. They arrived right on time, and we walked down to the green room together. I took a seat at one of the tables with Gabe and we snacked on some of the cheese and crackers and he did some drawing on a piece of paper. He has some interesting art skills!

We were all hanging around there until show time. The show was held for about ten minutes to get people seated. But soon the boys were on the way to the stage around 8:10pm. I hung out in the green room a little bit longer and waited for my cue to head toward the stage.

Larry and Tim's side of the stage.

The show went great! Everything went rather smoothly! It was sort of a special night for me, so I was feeling pretty good about things! Apparently being on stage also got my creative ideas flowing- I thought of a great idea for something (which I will let you know about later, if and when it pans out.) But it felt good to be coming up with ideas! After the show, Dad and I went out to sign. That went pretty quickly since it was a small room and so not as many people as normal. The people were great though and it went good!

Dad and I sat in the green room and made a sandwich and chatted. I went back up to my room by around 11pm. I just wanted to chill and watch a movie. I got a couple things organized, and then I crashed by around 1:30am.

March 11, 2011

I woke up to a text around 3:30am, which was actually good- I had been waiting to hear about an event that had happened the night before. Then I fell back asleep and stayed that way until about 10:30am. I decided to take a slow start to my day. I made a few phone calls and returned a few emails.

View from my hotel room.

There was no sound check that day, since we were working the same room again for the second night in a row. So I actually ended up staying in my room most of the day. I had a lot of stuff to catch up on- some reading and some writing! So I figured I should take advantage of the day and get as much done as possible.

By 7pm I was dressed and ready to go down for the show. I ventured back to the green room and found some of the boys. I was starving, so I made myself a sandwich and just hung around while everyone else came and went. It can be a bit of a mad house back there, people coming and going, trying to get everything ready for the show.

The name of the room we were performing in.

The video started at 8:05pm; and shortly there after, the boys were all on stage. I sat back in the green room a little longer- messing around on my phone and trying to send some friends a picture message (even though I had almost no reception). Then it was time. I headed to the stage; and within moments I was out there singing “Time of My Life”. After that, dad leaves the stage for a couple songs. The first thing I do alone is “Help Me Make It Through The Night” which features Gabe on piano, and I couldn’t believe the response I got! They started cheering after I sang the first line, and then at the end of the bridge, they all broke out cheering again! It was amazing! So great to get such a warm reception. It was a really good show. The band could all feel that. Some nights we just know we are tight, and right where we should be, and everyone is burning! (I had some strange and meaningfully unique insights while I was on stage. But I’ll save those for another time…)

Dad also goofed on stage and instead of calling the band the 3 Bottle Band, he called them the Backstreet Boys. We all erupted in laughter. Gabe started doing the “Bye Bye Bye” dance, (and yes, for those of you young enough to know, that is a NSYNC song, not a Backstreet Boys song, but Gabe was feeling it- and that’s what counts!) I also noticed that there were some Mounted Police Officers in the back of the room just waiting. Made me feel like a Blues Brother!

After the show, dad and I went out to sign and meet everybody. Again, everyone was really sweet, and so appreciative that we came all the way to their town. We were happy to be there!

The whole group! Larry, Tim, Gabe, Myself, Bob, and Dad.

We all regrouped in the Green Room again after that. Dad made himself his sandwich, and the boys came in with their cocktails and we all had a discussion. As odd as you might think it would be, we were all talking about politics and the country. I know most people think we must always only discuss music and fun topics like that, but I assure you that music is not the only topic we all like to talk about.

By 11pm, the boys all headed toward the bar, but I decided that going to my room sounded like a better idea. I was exhausted. All of a sudden I just started to get really tired, it was one of those times where it came over me very quickly. Apparently whatever energy I was working off of for the show was depleted, and it was time to rest. I got to my room and worked on a couple things, then soon I found my head hitting the soft pillow and drifting away.

March 12, 2011

My alarm went off at 9am, and I crawled out of bed and threw my clothes on. I was packed and ready to go downstairs by 9:30am as planned. All the boys were waiting in the lobby, ready to go. Right after I got there, the van arrived to take us to the airport. 

Squished in the van!

Seven people (plus the driver), all of our luggage, and all of our equipment… It was a bit of a tight squeeze! We just barely fit. But we managed to get on our way to the airport around 10am. After about thirty minutes we stopped at a gas station- the driver had to clean off the windshield- it was all iced up, it was very, very cold outside! The guys and I went into the convenience store to get a snack or two for breakfast. As we were looking around, we found that the convenience store was also a big gun store. I guess that is convenient. Anyway, we were enthralled by that until we jumped back in the van.

The Gun Store/Convenience Store.

Gabe had a scare. He bought and ate some beef jerky and thought it had expired a few months earlier, but it turns out it was still fresh. He also managed to get some pictures of Larry sleeping for the collection. Can’t ever miss out on an opportunity for a good sleeping Larry picture!

We got to the Duluth Airport around 11:45am. We checked in at Delta, and then went upstairs and through security and into the waiting area. It was a very small airport, and there really was nothing in the gate area- not even bathrooms. I had a phone call to make though, and that kept me busy and entertained until it was just about time to board.

Deicing.

The flight took off a little late- probably closer to 1pm, because there was a bit of a delay with the de-icing. But once we were in the air, it was smooth sailing. (And it was a short flight.) I was in an exit row, and had the seat next to me empty. Nice to have a little breathing room.  I ended up coming up with ideas left and right- it is so weird how your mind can just turn on and all of a sudden you get a million ideas flowing! I love that feeling! I don’t know if any of the ideas were any good however, but those answers will come with time!

We landed in Minneapolis around 2pm, and it took a few minutes for them to get the door open. We had a tight connection, but when we pulled into the gate, I realized that our connecting flight was the one right next door! How lucky could we be? When we finally got off the plane, we walked over towards the new gate, and within ten minutes they started boarding.

Me in my exit row!

We were on our way (close to) on time at 2:30pm. It was about an hour and fifteen minute flight to Rapid City, South Dakota. But it went by pretty quickly for me. I spend most of the flight writing. We landed around 3pm- we gained an hour, then we headed down to baggage claim. The airport was very cute, reminded me very much of another airport I had been in recently.  One of our drivers met us as we got down the escalator and into the baggage area. There were two cars for us- an SUV for dad and I, and a van for the band.

Our bags finally came up, and dad and I got into our car and we were on our way a bit before the rest of the guys. It was truly beautiful around there! We drove for about an hour and a half, and into the middle of nowhere. Literally, nowhere. The closest thing to the Prairie Wind Casino is about thirty miles away. When we arrived, there were just wheat fields and wild animals as far as the eye could see. Dad and I checked in and went up to our rooms. It was a small casino and hotel. Only 80 hotel rooms, only a couple hundred slot machines, and we were working in a glorified tent next door to the casino.

This is the view of the Prairie Wind Casino and hotel as we drove up to it.

I attempted to contact Gabe since they were about a half hour behind us… I sent him a text message reading, “When you get to the middle of nowhere, that is where we will be…” The boys had made a stop for “smokes”. The only non-smoking band I know made a stop for smokes… Let’s just say they were up to something!

Soon they arrived, and we all went to the restaurant for some dinner around 5:30pm. It was a buffet/coffee shop, but we all went for the buffet. Personally, I like the dessert bars at the buffets! We hung out talking for a while, and then after I stocked up on some water, I went back to my room.

Again, I had no cell phone reception, so I was left with minimal communication options. But I managed to Skype a few friends- it was nice to feel connected to the outside world! I have a feeling Skype is going to become one of my main ways to communicate while on the road, especially when we get back to Canada and stuff! So thank God for Skype!

I stayed up for a while, and got a bit of work done. But soon I realized I might as well get to sleep. I got comfy in my bed and was soon out like a light.

March 13, 2011

Backstage.

We lost an hour early that morning for daylight savings time. Always a bummer to lose an hour! But I got up around 10:30am. I managed to get a pretty good amount of sleep- and that was apparently needed! I got showered and ready for the work ahead. I spend some time on Skype talking to my cousin as I put my makeup on. Then it was time to head down to sound check. Sound check was supposed to be at 1:30pm, but was pushed back to 2pm for dad and I. (Which was going to be cutting it close since it was a 5pm show that night!)

Dad and I left to walk to the tent just before 2pm. We had to go down the elevator, then walk all the way down the hall of hotel rooms, through the casino, and then outside and over to the tent. When we got there, we were happy to find that they were ready for us. Sound check went pretty quick. Soon, I was having a sandwich behind the stage. There was a great spread of food back there!

Gabe on stage.

Dad also shared a story with me while we were at sound check. That morning he hit the “Room Service” button on his phone, but the number kept being busy. So he called the front desk and explained that the room service extension was busy. The lady said, “Well, what do you need?” Dad replied, “I was wanting to order a hamburger with extra onions…” She interrupted him and said, “No, sir, it isn’t that kind of room service, it is more of a housekeeping type of room service.” He was disappointed- but not as embarrassed as you might think… This kind of stuff happens a lot on the road!

Afterwards, I walked back to the hotel. I found Gabe in the hotel lobby getting his room key fixed- it had stopped working. I felt bad for him, so I politely waited for him to fix the problem, then we rode up the elevator to the second floor. We came to my room first, I went to put my key in the door, and sure enough my key had stopped working as well! So I had to go back down to the front desk and get it fixed. Apparently they had set all of our room keys to expire this morning. Bummer!

I was back in my room by 3pm, and got a few things done; then I got dressed and ready for the show. I met dad in the lobby at 4:25pm. They gave us a ride in a car to the tent (so we didn’t get our hair and stage clothes all messed up- the place is called Prairie Wind Casino for a reason, first of all we are on a prairie, secondly the wind can get insane outside!). They drove us up to the backstage door and we walked inside the tent.

Dad had a meet and greet, and the guys and I snacked on the awesome spread of food. Larry had his first ever energy drink- which thankfully did not have too big of an impact on him! The video started right on time, and we were off to work. The boys got the show started, then I got up there  and started rockin’ too. However, not long after I got up there, I started to feel like I was being cooked alive. The lights were extremely hot! It seriously felt like I was in a turbo tanning bed- the whole time I was on stage. Sort of took it out of me! It is hard to function at an optimal level when you feel like you are melting… But we rocked as hard as we could!

Picture in the lobby of the hotel.

After the show, dad and I went out to sign. I can’t tell you how appreciative the people were for us to be out in the middle of nowhere for them. They said they don’t get a lot of concerts in the area, so they were all super excited. We sat out there chatting and signing for a little while, then dad and I went backstage and dad made himself his after show sandwich as I munched on a couple of things.

Before too long, we were back in the car and on the way back to the hotel. I went straight to my room to get changed out of my stage clothes and into my comfy sweats! After about thirty minutes, everybody gathered back at the hotel in my dad’s room around 8pm. We all sat around telling stories for a few hours. Larry was talking about The Hop for a while, (which for those who don’t know, my dad owned a bar/club in Orange County called The Hop for quite a few years, and Larry, Bob and Tim all used to perform there.) Larry said, “I remember you couldn’t even get to the stage, there were too many coyotes!” He paused for a moment, then continued, “They are called coyotes right?” I responded, “I think you mean cougars…”

At just after 10pm, Larry, Bob and I decided to go on a food run. We went down to the restaurant, and sure enough they had just closed. We were all bummed out- Larry most of all, he had a major jones for a cheeseburger. So we all had to go back to my dad’s room empty handed. Gabe and I were messing around with the internet on our cell phones, and we managed to do a video call to each other. I was excited about that because it was my first video call on my cell phone! Can’t wait to use that some more!

I went back to my room by just after 11pm. I was feeling tired and wanted to chill out for a bit before I went to bed. Plus I still had a few things I needed to do before my head hit that pillow. But eventually I decided to shut everything down and try to get some sleep.

March 14, 2011

Drive to the airport! Beautiful, isn't it?

I did not get a good night’s sleep. It took me forever to actually fall asleep, and after I did, I kept having weird vivid dreams, and I woke up a few times to notice I had a very bad headache. By the time my alarm went off, my head was pounding pretty good! All of us were having some issues with our sinuses. (Gabe most of all- as Bob kept announcing, “Don’t be kissing Gabe tonight, he’s got the feeling funky thing going on!”) I was afraid that my sinuses might be starting to get the best of me as well- but only time would tell!

I got dressed and packed, then headed down to the lobby to meet Larry and Dad at 10:30am. (The rest of the boys left about an hour or hour and a half ahead of us- their flight was a bit earlier.) Our SUV pulled up about ten or fifteen minutes after I got downstairs. We loaded our stuff into it, and we were on our way back to the Rapid City Airport. The hour and a half drive went by reasonably quickly. Driving through the Black Hills is very scenic! We got to the airport by about 12pm and we walked over to the American ticket counter, but it was closed. A bystander informed us that they would open in a bit- we were over two hours early for our flight.

So to waste some time, we went up the escalator to the restaurant and got a snack. By the time we were done, it was time to check in and get our bags squared away. Then we went through security and into the small terminal. We sat by our gate and chatted as we eagerly awaited our planes arrival. It got there right on cue. Which led to us boarding right on cue as well!

The flight took off just as planned at 2:10pm. I spent the flight mostly writing and going over some things on my computer, and before I knew it, the two hour plane ride to Dallas was done! We all exited the plane, and Dad and I said our goodbyes to Larry (as he was off to make his connection to Nashville).

Sunset as we were on our way into Springfield, Mo.

Dad and I roamed around and found a Chili’s to eat at about ten gates away from our next flight. After we grabbed a bite we went back to our gate to wait. They started boarding a few minutes late, but as they announced all rows, we got in line. However, just as we got in line, dad realized he had forgotten his jacket at Chili’s! He had to run to go get it, because trust me- ten gates away may sound close, but it was not! He literally ran down the terminal and back to the gate as I explained to the lady that we were on the flight to Springfield, Missouri, and my Dad would be back shortly- she did not seem too pleased about the situation, but she dealt with it.

Dad got back, huffing and puffing a few minutes later, and we got straight onto the plane.  The flight took off pretty much on time at 6:45pm, and it was only about an hour flight. So without too much delay, we were landing in Springfield at 8pm. We walked straight out to baggage claim and welcomed our lovely luggage as it came toward us on the carousel. Then we made the walk out the door and all the way to the far corner of the parking lot. It was a bit chilly outside, but we made it! (Oddly enough, it was a lot warmer in South Dakota- and there was still a little snow on the ground there!)

When we were on our decent into Springfield,
we ended up between two layers of clouds-
at sunset! It was amazing!

Once we made it to my car and got the bags all packed up, I drove us the hour back to Branson. We arrived at my parent’s house to find tacos waiting for us. (My mom had saved us some.) An old family friend was also in town until the next day, so I stayed at my parent’s house for a little bit to enjoy a taco and a little conversation.

But after a while, I was ready to get home and settled in. I had a lot of stuff going on in my head- a million ideas, (I was pretty much on creative overload!) and I wanted to start preparing to put some of the ideas into action. That is one of the hard parts about being on the road- it often stirs up some creative juices, but usually it is stuff that I can’t get to work on until I get back home, and I am not a patient person! If I think of an idea, I want to get to work on it that minute; I hate waiting!

But soon I attempted to push off my ideas until the morning. A good night’s sleep in your own bed is a wonderful thing sometimes! 

Emotion Equals Art

A lot of people ask me what it takes to be a performer, or what advice I can give them. I am not any more or less wise than the next person- and I would never claim to be; but I have been mentored by truly some of the best. I have watched, and listened for countless hours, days, weeks and years. I have seen behind the curtain, and I have been allowed behind closed doors that most are never welcome. I have been blessed to be able to absorb the ingenious knowledge that has been placed around me. But even so, this is all I can say…

Everything that matters on that stage comes from one place, your heart. It is that simple and that complex. My duty when I am on stage is to give up everything inside me for everyone to witness- no matter what the consequences. When you are a true performer- and more importantly a true artist, you do that without even a momentary thought of the repercussions.

You might be asking what these consequences could be; and they might be slightly different for everyone. But for most people, it usually has to do with their emotions. Every time I walk across that stage, I am allowing myself to open the door to every emotion and feeling inside of me- for everyone to see. It is a very vulnerable position. I take everything that is going on with me at that moment, and I channel that when I sing. If I am going through heartbreak, my heart is bleeding openly on that stage.

It might appear as though this would make it impossible to ever heal emotionally, and sometimes you are right. But a true artist is willing to sacrifice that part of themselves for their art. When we walk out on that stage, if we need to cut open a newly healed scar, we cut open the wound with no hesitation.

However, this is a double-edged sword. As depressing as it can be at certain moments, it can also be a healing process. A lot of times I find myself working out my emotions on stage, and by the time the curtain closes I feel a lot more at peace. There is an amazing power there, and it can envelope you when you allow yourself to be open and naked like that. It doesn’t make it an easier process, but sometimes it can be like therapy.

Therefore, I am a firm believer in not keeping anything inside; let it all out. (I am a believer in this to a fault- as some of my friends and loved ones will profess.) Often you can heal when you open yourself up to that kind of vulnerability. But it doesn’t always work out that easily. After you heal, you will inevitably need to reach back for those feelings at another show. But if you heal a little, and take the time to understand your feelings- and truly understand what you are going through, it probably won’t hurt as much the next time. At least that is the hope…

I can tell you that my band always knows what is going on in my life- and not because I tell them. They know from my performance each night. There has been one guy in my life the past few months, and when I walk off stage, the band will come up to me and say, “Okay, what did he do to make you so happy tonight?” or we’ll get off stage and they’ll say, “Oh my gosh, what did he do to you? What happened? Do we need to go kick his butt? We will you know!” That’s how I know I am connecting with the audience. If the band is understanding my emotion that well, I know the crowd is connecting to me too.

“To a true artist only that face is beautiful which, quite apart from its exterior, shines with the truth within the soul.” Mahatma Gandhi

It is all about feeling something. If you feel something, the audience will feel something. If you don’t feel anything, they will walk away saying, “yeah, good voice”, but they won’t be moved. In my opinion, it is always better to connect emotionally, than to be the best technically. As E. Y. Harburg had said, “Words make you think a thought. Music makes you feel a feeling. A song makes you feel a thought.” That is so much more important. It is more important to move the audience than to show them how technically good you are. Because simply put- everyone understands emotion.

When you see me on stage, if I am on fire that night, chances are there are some things going on in my personal life. Because that is where I find fuel for my fire. I am indeed an emotional cutter for my job. But to do such things, I try to be prepared and in touch with my emotions- when at all possible.

I have stood on stage and cried more than a handful of times. That is honest and real; if I cry on stage, it is because I am emotionally there- I would never cry on cue to try to trick the audience. Sometimes, I’ve had trouble keeping it together. If you are rather emotionally unstable when you get up there, it can be an uphill battle to keep from full on sobbing. But whenever it gets to the point that I might lose it, I channel that into what I am singing.

I know this is something that can make me hard to deal with sometimes, because I have my emotions out in the open, and I don’t hide them, I can’t. I am not going to hide my emotions in a personal relationship with someone, and then turn around and get on stage and let thousands of strangers see the true emotions I am feeling. That just wouldn’t be right. That is why I don’t let a lot of people in too close to me. My emotions are out there, and I am vulnerable a lot, so I need to trust the people close to me, and know that they can handle that and not run away.

Being on stage and being that vulnerable is the true work I do. That is what wears artists down. It drains you like I can’t even explain. But that is the sacrifice; and also the dark beauty of art.

“A life of sacrifice is the pinnacle of art, and is full of true joy.” Mahatma Gandhi